The Antidote to Performative Living

I was standing in my kitchen last Monday morning, coffee in hand (because it was pre-12pm on my new regime!), scrolling through my phone whilst simultaneously rehearsing what I'd say in a difficult conversation later that day. My mind was ping-ponging between yesterday's regrets and tomorrow's anxieties, completely absent from the present moment. I caught myself mid-scroll and had one of those uncomfortable realisations - I wasn't being authentic to anything, not to the moment, not to my values, not even to my own wellbeing.

It's remarkable how stress strips away our authenticity, isn't it? When we're overwhelmed, we default to performative versions of ourselves; the version we think others expect, the version that feels safest, the version that requires the least confrontation with uncomfortable truths. We become actors in our own lives, playing roles that exhaust us whilst slowly eroding our sense of who we actually are.

And all that after reading Mo Gawdat's brilliant book, Unstressable!

There's loads to take from this book, but one framework becomes profoundly relevant in this situation. His eight brain exercises - what he calls GYMMMMMM - aren't just stress management techniques. They're authenticity practices, ways of training our minds to stay true to ourselves even when external pressures mount. Each exercise offers a path back to what philosopher Martin Heidegger called our "authentic self" - the person we are beneath the social conditioning, the performance anxiety, and the endless mental chatter.

As Gawdat explains it, our brains operate like muscles:

"The way we use our brains shapes them literally like the way we move our muscles at the gym builds our bodies." Mo Gawdat

Just as physical exercise builds strength, these mental exercises build what we might call "authenticity resilience"; the capacity to remain true to ourselves under pressure.

But what struck me about Gawdat's approach is that these aren't platitudes or quick fixes. They're disciplined practices that require what the Stoics might call "philosophical therapy" - the patient work of reshaping how we think and respond to the world. They're about becoming unstressable not by avoiding difficult realities, but by staying authentically grounded within them.

I'm going to do my best to unpick the eight activities here, but I do recommend grabbing a copy of the book and/or checking out the website. I unapologetically quote him a lot so as not to misrepresent his thinking.

Be Grateful Against the Performance Trap

Gawdat's approach cuts through the wellness industry's performative positivity by acknowledging a brutal biological reality. Our brains evolved with what researchers call "negativity bias"; we notice threats more readily than benefits because our ancestors who spotted the sabre-toothed tiger survived longer than those admiring sunsets. Studies suggest 60-80% of our thoughts skew negative, not because we're broken, but because we're biological survival machines, not happiness machines.

This connects directly to what Viktor Frankl observed in the concentration camps; even in humanity's darkest moments, something could always be found worthy of recognition. Frankl wasn't promoting toxic positivity; he understood that authentic gratitude emerges from honest acknowledgment of what genuinely sustains us, not from pretending problems don't exist.

Gawdat illustrates this with the boyfriend example - he might be loving and thoughtful, but the moment he takes your last chip (he calls it a fry because he’s American!), your brain explodes with outrage. The authentic response isn't denial but pattern recognition. Taking the last fry feels criminal in isolation, but viewed alongside gifts, hugs, and trips, the fuller picture emerges.

This isn't about collecting Instagram-worthy grateful moments. It's about what Timothy Kasser and others call "intrinsic motivation" - appreciation that emerges from genuine recognition rather than external pressure to appear grateful. We're literally rewiring our brain's default scanning patterns to notice the complete landscape rather than just the threatening terrain.

“Intrinsic goals, such as self-acceptance, are expressive of desires congruent with actualising  and growth tendencies natural to humans. As such, intrinsic goals are likely to satisfy basic and inherent psychological needs.” Timothy Kasser

Mo's Tip: Write down at least one thing you're grateful for every single day. Review your entire gratitude journal at least once a week to remind your brain of how blessed you really are.

Yield as Strategic Wisdom Not Weakness

Yielding might be the most challenging exercise for our control-obsessed culture, but Gawdat reframes it as brain efficiency rather than capitulation. This connects directly to Epictetus's dichotomy of control - the Stoic recognition that our energy is finite and should focus on what we can actually influence.

“Some things are in our control, while others are not. We control our opinion, choice, desire, aversion, and in a word, everything of our own doing; we don't control our body, property, reputation, position, and in a word, everything not of our own doing” Epictetus

The practice involves what psychologists call "rumination regulation" - breaking the cycle where we obsess over things that genuinely aren't worth our mental energy. Often we dedicate enormous attention to events that, whilst irritating, don't deserve the negative brain cycles we commit to them.

This isn't toxic positivity demanding we smile through genuine hardship. Instead, it's what Simone Weil called "attention", the capacity to wait in openness for understanding rather than imposing premature interpretations. When we yield authentically, we're not abandoning our values; we're creating space for them to interact with reality more skillfully than forcing would allow.

The neuroscience also backs this up. Chronic rumination literally changes brain structure, strengthening neural pathways associated with anxiety and depression. Yielding practice works like cognitive physiotherapy, gradually building our capacity to let irritations pass without grabbing onto them. 

Mo's Tip: Spend a few minutes once a week reviewing how your week unfolded. Note things that upset or irritated you, then question whether they deserved the negative brain cycles you dedicated to them.

Meditate Beyond the Mystical Nonsense

Gawdat's approach to meditation demolishes the biggest myth preventing people from starting - that successful meditation requires sitting like Yoda on a mountaintop in perfect silence. And this resonates properly with me. As someone brought up as an evangelical Christian, anything associated with Eastern mysticism (even loosely!) still holds worry for me despite me not holding onto many of the ‘truths’ I was told as a boy.  This, I acknowledge, is my own naivete and ignorance but the idea of emptying myself which had been my perception of meditation for many years, does not sit well with my ingrained heritage. (I know, I am strange…!)

His engineer's mind sees meditation as basic mental hygiene rather than spiritual transcendence. This connects to what neuroscientist Sara Lazar discovered about meditation's effects on brain structure. Just as physical exercise builds muscle mass, mental exercise builds neural density. The struggle when your mind wanders isn't failure, it's precisely the moment when growth happens. Like lifting weights, the resistance signals your brain to build stronger attention networks.

Most meditation instruction focuses on achieving calm, but Gawdat suggests the difficulty is the point. When you notice mental wandering and redirect attention, you're performing what psychologists call "cognitive control training" - strengthening the neural circuits responsible for focused attention.

The practice requires what Aristotle called hexis - the development of capacity through repeated action. Five minutes of consistent daily practice builds more neural strength than occasional hour-long sessions. It's about repetitions, not duration. (I will dig into hexis in a future FRiDEAS piece, by the way.)

Mo's Tip: Start with just five minutes daily sitting still and paying attention to your breath. When your mind wanders (and it will), gently bring it back to your breath. That moment of noticing and returning is the exercise, not a mistake.

Be Mindful Through Real Engagement

Gawdat's mindfulness transcends the wellness industry's sanitised version by grounding it in practical reality. If you meditate for ten minutes but spend ten hours distracted, you're firing distracted neurons six hundred times more often than focused ones. The solution isn't more meditation - it's integrating attention throughout daily life.

This echoes what Emmanuel Levinas called "the face-to-face encounter" - authentic existence emerging through genuine engagement with others rather than self-focused introspection. Gawdat's favourite mindfulness exercise involves being fully present with humans - looking in their eyes, listening carefully, observing body language, connecting to their emotions without phone distractions.

The practice involves attention restoration, which is deliberately engaging with beauty and complexity that our brains find naturally restorative. Taking pictures of beautiful things whilst walking, setting radio stations to only play music you enjoy, focusing on textures and flavours whilst eating. It sounds woo-woo but is about resetting what matters.

Mindfulness isn't retreat into blissful isolation. It's showing up fully for what educationalist John Dewey called "experience" ; the messy, complex reality of human connection and environmental engagement.

“We always live at the time we live and not at some other time, and only by extracting at each present time the full meaning of each present experience are we prepared for doing the same thing in the future.” John Dewey

Mo's Tip: Choose one daily activity (walking, eating, talking) and commit to being fully present during it. Look for beauty, engage your senses, connect genuinely with others.

Meet Your Brain Without Fighting It

Rather than battling negative thoughts, Gawdat suggests becoming a curious observer of our mental processes. This represents a fundamental shift from thought suppression (which paradoxically increases unwanted thoughts) to metacognitive awareness; observing thoughts without immediately believing or acting on them.

The "Meet Becky" practice that he discusses involves conversing with your brain as a separate entity for twenty-five minutes, following two rules - acknowledge every thought attentively and never repeat one. This isn't about stopping negative thinking but changing your relationship to it.

This connects to what Buddhist psychology calls "mindfulness of mind"; the recognition that thoughts are mental events rather than absolute truths. Research shows people who can observe thoughts without immediately believing them demonstrate greater emotional resilience and more flexible problem-solving. 

The goal isn't thought suppression but what Gawdat calls "real silence";  the moment when your brain stops chattering not through strenuous effort but because it genuinely has nothing new to say. It's like having a conversation with a friend who eventually runs out of stories. Again, John Dewey is relevant here,

“There's all the difference in the world between having something to say, and having to say something.” John Dewey

Mo's Tip: Set aside twenty-five minutes weekly to "meet" your brain. Listen to whatever thoughts arise, acknowledge them without judgment, but don't let any thought repeat itself.

Make Believe 

Gawdat's visualisation approach embraces neuroscience whilst avoiding new-age wishful thinking. The brain fires neurons similarly whether we're actually doing something, reliving a memory, or imagining a future scenario. This isn't mystical - it's how mental rehearsal works for athletes, surgeons, and public speakers. It’s how I process what I am about to say next on a stage.

The key insight connects to what psychologist Gabriele Oettingen calls "mental contrasting"; effective visualisation involves both positive outcomes and realistic obstacles. Gawdat uses Debra Searle's Atlantic rowing preparation as an example - she spent all day imagining every possible scenario, visualising solutions to problems like boat flipping or equipment failure.

I often have thoughts of the could-bes. I could do more work in the UAE. I could not be paid by any clients this month. I could get an invite to become Minister for Education (ok, that is mystical fantasy!) They aren’t real in any sense that I have experienced them other than considering how they could play out. But the acknowledgement that they exist is half the battle, rather than just pretending I only live in concrete worlds!

This differs fundamentally from fantasy or "manifesting." Authentic visualisation prepares neural pathways for actual performance rather than replacing action with wishful thinking. It's what sports psychologists call functional imagery - mental practice that improves real-world performance. 

I remember listening to a keynote from Sir Clive Woodward many moons ago (and which I have referenced in articles elsewhere). He talked about TCUP - Thinking Correctly Under Pressure - which was something he instilled in the Rugby World Cup winning England team in 2003. In order to deliver in the big moments, the team practised each and every possible scenario lots and lots of times. I remember watching Jonny Wilkinson nail the drop goal to win the final but he just remembered the drills he had performed thousands of times before.

The practice requires what philosophers might call "practical wisdom"; imagining outcomes grounded in reality rather than escaping into fantasy. We're training our brains for actual challenges, not creating elaborate daydreams.

Mo's Tip: Spend time visualising challenges you'll face, but focus on seeing yourself successfully handling difficulties rather than imagining problem-free scenarios.

Mind Your Own Business in a Distraction Economy

This exercise tackles our obsession with information we cannot actually influence. Gawdat frames this through Stephen Covey's "Circle of Influence" versus "Circle of Concern" - the recognition that energy spent on uncontrollable problems depletes resources needed for areas where we can make a difference.

Modern media operates on what economist Tim Wu calls "attention merchants" - platforms designed to capture and sell our focus to advertisers. They stress us to keep us watching, making us feel unsafe even when our actual lives are stable. The solution isn't ignorance but strategic attention management.

This connects to research on learned helplessness, when we constantly consume information about unsolvable problems, we develop generalised feelings of powerlessness that can affect areas where we actually have agency. Philosopher Byung-Chul Han calls this "burnout society" - exhaustion from engaging with infinite information streams.

“The acceleration of contemporary life also plays a role in this lack of being. The society of labouring and achievement is not a free society. It generates new constraints. Ultimately, the dialectic of master and slave does not yield a society where everyone is free and capable of leisure, too. Rather, it leads to a society of work in which the master himself has become a labouring slave. In this society of compulsion, everyone carries a work camp inside. This labour camp is defined by the fact that one is simultaneously prisoner and guard, victim and perpetrator. One exploits oneself. It means that exploitation is possible even without domination.” Byung-Chul Han

To deal with this, the minding your business principles involves what might be called "informational hygiene"; consuming specific information for specific purposes rather than general browsing. When you need to know something specific, search for exact answers to exact questions, then disengage. It is a task for sure but I have found that the sources I choose to search help with this. Facebook, X, Instagram, YouTube are deliberately engineered to keep you there. I hide all these apps in folders not on the front screen of my phone and even Sky News has moved to screen two! 

Mo's Tip: When you need specific information, sit down and search for exact answers to exact questions. Avoid fluff, heightened emotions, opinions, and aggressive debates. Get what you need, then stop.

Connect to Mother Nature as Authentic Rhythm

Gawdat's final exercise addresses our fundamental disconnection from natural rhythms. Drawing on Craig Foster's insights from My Octopus Teacher, he notes that humans spent 300,000 years feeling connected to wild nature, our current separation represents unprecedented evolutionary trauma.

This isn't romantic environmentalism but recognition of what environmental psychologist Roger Barker called "behaviour settings" - environments that shape psychological functioning. Natural settings provide what attention restoration theory identifies as "soft fascination"; engaging stimuli that restore rather than deplete cognitive capacity.

The practice involves recognising what indigenous cultures have always understood - we're not separate from nature but temporarily visiting what Gawdat calls "this alien habitat we call civilisation." Regular nature connection serves as recalibration rather than escape.

This connects to what philosopher Maurice Merleau-Ponty called "embodied cognition" - our thinking is shaped by our physical relationship with the environment. Concrete and screens create different psychological states than trees and water, not because one is "better" but because we evolved in natural rather than artificial settings. It’s why I am trying to spend more time working outside, putting my feet on the ground and enjoying sunlight. I am also exploring red light panels to support this in an artificial manner.

Mo's Tip: Schedule regular nature connection, even if brief. View it not as escape from your "real" life but as returning to the surface to breathe between missions in artificial environments.

The Integrated Authentic Life

These eight exercises work together to create what Gawdat calls an "unstressable" mind - not one free from challenges, but one capable of responding authentically rather than reactively. The framework addresses mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual stress by building genuine resilience rather than performance-based coping.

But what makes this approach profound in my opinion is that it doesn't promise stress elimination or personal optimisation. Instead, it offers a way to remain authentically yourself whilst navigating contemporary life's genuine difficulties.

The practices require Aristotlean phronesis again - the practical wisdom emerging through consistent application rather than intellectual understanding. Like physical fitness, authentic resilience must be cultivated through regular practice, not just understood conceptually.

Key Takeaways for Building Your Authentic Practice

Neuroplasticity is your foundation - Your brain literally changes based on what you repeatedly focus on. These exercises are precision tools for reshaping neural networks towards authenticity.

Start small, stay consistent - Begin with five minutes of each practice. The goal isn't dramatic transformation but steady, sustainable change that compounds over time.

Embrace the struggle - Whether in meditation, yielding, or any exercise, difficulty indicates growth is happening. Seek meaningful practices, not effortless ones.

Authenticity requires boundaries - You cannot remain true to yourself whilst consuming infinite information about unsolvable problems. Strategic ignorance is self-care.

Nature connection isn't optional - Regular contact with natural rhythms is essential for maintaining perspective and authentic functioning, not romantic indulgence.

Integration over perfection - Weave these practices into a coherent approach to living that supports your authentic self under pressure rather than mastering each in isolation.

Community matters - These individual practices are designed to help you show up more authentically in relationships. The ultimate test isn't how you feel alone but how you engage with others.

These exercises won't make life easier, but they will help you remain more honestly yourself whilst navigating its complexities. The world is constantly pressuring us towards performative versions of success, wellness, and happiness. Gawdat's framework offers something more valuable - a systematic approach to authentic resilience that doesn't require becoming someone else to find peace. It’s time to go to the GYMMMMMM!

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